he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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