I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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