If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize