listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
