your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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