Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
