She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I woke up under a house in Key West
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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