Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
