Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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