i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
