I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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