Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
