I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
