I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My bed smells like the plague
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
