YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
