i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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