ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
