i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
