I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize