One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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