I'm jealous of your bromance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
