im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
