An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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