I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize