If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
