loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
