On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
