Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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