I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
