i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
