When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
