Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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