His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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