Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
