I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize