a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
