SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
