I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
