he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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