Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
