You smell like stripper and shame
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My life is pants optional.
Randomize