she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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