pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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