i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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