the condom got lost in my hair
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
