he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
