dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
