Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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