You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
