i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she peed on how many people?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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