I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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