im drinking this country out of the recession.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
