STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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