med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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