whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
