my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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