I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
