i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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