She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
