never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
