I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Come on in and take your pants off
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