I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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