You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
