i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
