at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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