it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
