Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
