I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
