I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
