i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i believe in u and ur pee
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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