HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
