I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we're so committed to being not committed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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