Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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