You just made me feel so damn special
someone threw a dead crab at me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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