well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They have beer where we have blood.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
