Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
