His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
