He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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