New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
