wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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