Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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