dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
