It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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