Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
