i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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