did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
