please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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