I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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