dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude. I can hear the air.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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