We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
