just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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