I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
