smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
