My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
should my penis look like a turkey
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
