you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
