Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
