I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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