whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
