She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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